Today we’d like to introduce you to Millie Boella.
Hi Millie, it’s an honor to have you on the platform. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us – to start maybe you can share some of your backstory with our readers?
We never set out to become polyamorous influencers. When the pandemic hit, we started our account, Decolonizing Love, simply as a creative outlet to share our experiences and pass the time. To our complete surprise, the platform went viral almost overnight. Suddenly, a global audience was looking to us for guidance, but while our internet presence happened in a flash, our journey was a lifetime in the making. It is a story rooted in history, radical transparency, and a deliberate unlearning of what society tells us romance should look like.
For Millie, the understanding of relationship dynamics began long before she ever heard the modern word polyamory. Growing up in Kenya in the 1990s, she was just ten years old when she started questioning the concept of monogamy. Observing the Kikuyu, Maasai, Dorobo, and Kalenjin tribes, Millie witnessed a rich variety of relationship setups that completely defied Western norms, ranging from traditional polygamy to self marriage, where a woman chooses to radically center herself in her own life. These early observations taught her that monogamy wasn’t humanity’s default setting. By the time she reached her teens, exploring polyamory felt like a return to an authentic truth. She only ever attempted a traditional setup once, at eighteen, but it felt suffocating and performative. When it ended due to deceit on his part, it only reinforced what she already knew, which was that she thrived best in the light of absolute honesty, free to love more than one person openly.
That commitment to living outside the box is exactly what brought Millie and Nick together in Montreal back in 2010. Their connection was instant, fueled by a shared rejection of standard dating scripts. As Nick describes it, he was entirely aligned with this vision, equally eager to reject traditional dating norms and create a life outside conventional structures. On July 14th, they will be celebrating their 16th anniversary. They share a home and a life established on a foundation of radical communication. T
Decolonizing Love which started as a pandemic passion project has grown into something far larger than Millie or Nick ever anticipated. Every day, people from all over the world reach out to them, searching for a different way to relate to one another. After a lifetime of moving against the current, being able to share their journey publicly feels deeply meaningful. They are proud to show the world that there are positive, thriving, and intentional models for non monogamy, ones that are rooted in freedom, absolute honesty, and the beautiful work of decolonizing love.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
Our path has certainly not been a smooth road, as dismantling traditional expectations requires moving through intense personal and relational friction. When we first met, Nick was completely new to polyamory and had to face the difficult internal work of unlearning hierarchical thinking. He had to challenge the deep seated insecurity that controlling love or restricting a partner is what keeps them close, eventually realizing that gripping tightly does not prevent someone from leaving.
We also had to learn how to clearly communicate and respect personal boundaries. Early on, we discovered the necessity of establishing explicit agreements, such as deciding that dating within our close friend groups was off limits to preserve our social sanctuary. Beyond our own dynamic, our families required a significant period of adjustment to understand and accept our way of loving, which took time, patience, and many difficult conversations.
Along the way, there have been genuine heartbreaks and painful experiences with complicated metamour relationships, which are the connections with our partners’ other partners. Navigating those mismatched dynamics and the emotional fallout of broken bonds proved to be some of our greatest trials. It is through surviving these struggles, rather than avoiding them, that we learned how to truly sustain our commitments with absolute transparency.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
Millie brings a distinct perspective to her life as an artivist, combining advocacy with creative practice. She holds an English degree, works as a professional writer and worked as a film actress, and served as the executive director of a drop in centre. She also hosted two consecutive years of the Massimadi film festival, the largest Black queer cinematic event globally, before becoming a full time content creator in 2025.
Nick contributes an analytical perspective as an AI engineer with a background in consultancy, coaching, and healthcare.
Risk taking is a topic that people have widely differing views on – we’d love to hear your thoughts.
When it comes to risk taking, our entire existence is rooted in a willingness to step outside conventional boundaries. Dismantling compulsory monogamy and intentionally shaping an entirely new worldview is a profound risk, as it forces us to live and love in direct opposition to deeply entrenched social norms. This path of world making is not easy, but choosing authenticity over compliance has proven to be incredibly rewarding.
Furthermore, committing to a life as an activist and a creative during such turbulent and challenging times is a risk in itself. Pouring our energy into advocacy and art when the future feels uncertain requires immense vulnerability. For us, this intentional vulnerability is exactly what generates hope, turning what could be a fearful gamble into a deeply meaningful purpose.
Pricing:
- coaching on polyamory: $129 an hour
- Substack subscription: $9 a month
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.decolonizing.love/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/decolonizing.love
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/decolonizing.love
- Other: https://www.tiktok.com/@decolonizinglove
