Today we’d like to introduce you to Jan Talen.
Hi Jan, it’s an honor to have you on the platform. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us – to start maybe you can share some of your backstory with our readers?
Hi!
I am glad to introduce myself to you – and hopefully encourage you as I tell you a bit of my story.
In some ways, it’s not all that exciting.
I am the 3rd daughter in the middle of 6 kids.
Our mom and dad were steady and stable people which means that I was fortunate enough to grow up with 2 parents who loved each other, and had enough energy and money to pay attention to us and provide for daily needs as well as spiritual and academic growth.
When I was about 3 or 4 my mom became very ill, so I spent some time with cousins and Aunts and Uncles I did not know well while mom healed. I didn’t really get what was going on…so I learned the skill of pretending. Not like pretending with my dolls, but like pretending that all was just fine and that meant that I was just fine.
When, in reality, even as a little 3 or 4 year old, I was confused, befuddled and overwhelmed. I did not really know where my mom went, but because my older sisters were acting like it’s fine to be sleeping in this strange person’s house, I pretended like I was fine too.
It was this “I am fine” game that got me through fears of friendships, academic challenges and strange emotions that I didn’t have words to describe.
I became the “Can Do”girl. …because I did accomplish what I set out to do. I got the grades I wanted, was included in the class plays, track and soccer teams, had piano and band skills that were admired, and art and sewing skills that showed off with the clothes that I sewed for myself, by myself.
This Can-Do carried into my career path of wanting to help others do what they wanted to do. I did have to do a bit of personal clean-up and emotional awareness and rebalancing to make that happen.
And so, I did.
By the time I was 30 I had married, had 4 kids and my MA in Counseling and running my own private practice (on a part time basis).
Clarifying my Can-do self from my scared-silly and senseless self was an adult process that I continue to do to this day. The 2 parts of me – the CanDo and ScaredSenseless parts work to balance each other out with emotional and logical conversations that often, now at least, bring me to a healthy, and gutsy decision that protects me and prompts me to grow.
It is this skill of integrating CanDo with ScaredSenseless that I have found is pretty common in so many people, in all ages and stages of life. And helping others learn how to know their CanDo’s along with their fears and get those sides to talk with each other until a wise action decision is made, has been one of the best parts of my career.
My CanDo and ScaredSenseless Fears were pretty active in those early parenting years. We were both in grad school and far away from family. The internet, free phone, videos and picture-sending was not invented yet. Our school friends were not living the life mix of marriage, school and kids like we were. So CanDo, JustDo and ScaredSenseless were all fighting to be part of the mix to hold our marriage and our young family together.
We moved from school to building careers, and from baby-hood to toddlerhood to school-hood; building career skills and parenting skills together.
We were not always balanced equally, but we still connected.
It was in this balancing process that Chip and I discovered 2 things:
1 – We had become business partners or room mates more than marriage partners. We didn’t really know what to do about it, but we knew we had to do something.
2 – We knew we had to integrate my “Figure it out as you go” skills with Chip’s “Make a game plan” approach to life as we knew it.
We set goals – personal, relational and parenting – with a short and long term view. I put mine down in pencil, with an eraser and caveats. Chip put his in a neat order. We weren’t far off from each other but we surely approached these goals differently. Realizing that either or both approaches to a goal could create success we worked more at blending actions to meet our goals, that picking and choosing who’s approach would “be the best.”
From that, and years later, with kids growing up, marrying and caring for kiddos of their own, we realized that we had developed a marriage and parenting balance that was really smart.
* We had, together, clarified our Dreams and Desires for being married with children and forever together as a couple.
* We worked to blend the strengths within our relationship and with our individual communication skills. We learned to talk about the long game – where did we want this phase of parenting and life to end up, what memories and skills did we want our kids to walk into adulthood with.
* From that we realized that the skills of connecting and communicating were so very similar for any age or stage that our kiddos were in. And, these skills worked as we talked situations through as well.
* From that I clarified my personal and professional passion: How to keep couples with young kiddos equipped with the clarity of their Dreams and the Necessary communication skills that they needed to Apply those connections and communications to any age or stage of their kiddos lives, and their own married life together as well.
Thus, Us And Kids was born and shares the pathway from Family-Crazy to Family~Calm with the D.N.A. Way to Communicate!
PS: The balance of life work and life play is important! You can find me taking time to do lots of water-play such as ski, wakeboard, swim, play with kids, but also ice skate, snowboard and build snow creations. Helping green things grow flowers and fruit is also satisfying, but I’d take playing with someone – of any age over housework:) What about you?
If your marriage and family could use some support moving from Crazy to Calm and uplevel your family DNA, then connect with me today!
Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
The path through my professional life has been richly blessed. Clients came looking for me, and so my client calendar was consistently full. The struggles came in saving enough energy for my marriage and my kids. Real life at home with 4 kids, 2 dogs, a yard and friends also took time, and emotional energy.
I could do the time and busy work of food, laundry, home upkeep, but “saving” emotional energy for parenting with kindness and wisdom had to be intentional. Reserving energy and interest for marriage and my husband was a priority that wanted to softly slip away. Persisting in scheduling dates, coordinating sitters and finding affordable and interesting things to do took determination and teamwork.
The path and transition to develop and launch Us And Kids has been filled with tech-learning. (I am pretty sure I should have at least a Masters degree in something related to websites, advertising, social media platforms and course development). I knew, and know that ways for marriage and families to grow up together, and have a fulfilling life together. The push was and is aligning the tech and internet world to “hear” and grasp the value of knowing these skills.
Thankfully, my CanDo attitude that God gave me through my mom’s illness keeps my courage up and my confidence hopeful and joyful.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
I really just want to help people have a more FUN life. Fulfilling
Unlimited in experiences and conversations
Naturally Good – living the way God best made you.
So, my private practice company name was FUNLife.
For about 36 years I met with clients of all ages and stages of life: from little kiddos needing some time for guided and healing play to elderly people working to end their life with honor and an optimistic legacy. And all the ages and life lived in between:
Teens who needed someone to believe in them, while they ate all the MM’s in my candy jar, to college kids trying to decide how to live their life, not mom and dad’s wishes, to newly married couples trying to figure it out, and new parents and parents at all stages, struggling with marriage, infidelity, finances, life goals and the exhaustion and weariness of doing it all.
Depression, anxiety, grief, loneliness, relationships, integrity, childhood wounds, abuse and neglect were everyday conversations that had room for despair and hope.
I am known for being an effective, efficient and extremely kind therapist. I spoke truth to clients, in ways that they could hear and accept. This gave a way for them to be set free from the lies they were living in to and develop new ways of being, thinking and communicating that were wise, loving and strong.
I am now known for applying these skills, via video courses, to couples with young children who want to be married well…and want their kiddos to be all they can be. Navigating this marriage/parenting balance is doable, you just have to learn and use the skills.
My practical, personal and professional knowledge helps young families create their dreams, and pursue them with excellent communication and conflict resolution skills that keep most of life with kiddos FUN!
Before we let you go, we’ve got to ask if you have any advice for those who are just starting out?
Mental wellness is a significant part of every person’s wellbeing. To help others live well, it’s important to live well yourself. As you develop your self and clarify your personal self, you will be able to interact and guide your clients towards their best selves, without intermingling your needs with their growth. For me, this included, and includes knowing and living with the Jesus of the Bible. His wisdom, healing power and ways of living around those who love, who are distressed, who are messy and who think that they are just perfect give me insight, and courage to love them all.
Therapy is a creative process because each client is unique in personality, world view and life experience. So, use the techniques you learned in grad school, and use knowledge and intuition within your self, or given to you from the God of the Bible to help clients heal, grow and flourish.
Compassion with honesty; wisdom with gentleness goes a long way towards helping others move into their best selves.
Live well, in all circumstances. And love in any way and in many ways.
Pricing:
- Coaching – for marriage, parenting or personal growth $150/45 minutes
- Family-Crazy to Family~Calm Video Series: The DNA Way to Communicate: $1997
- FUN Focus Videos: Uplevel your communication in 10 minutes or less! $99
- Us And Kids Podcasts, with printables: FREE
Contact Info:
- Website: www.UsAndKids.com
- Instagram: @UsAndKids
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/usandkidspodcast/
- Linkedin: Jan Talen
