Today we’d like to introduce you to Dottie Gestwite.
Hi Dottie, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
TW: abuse; SA; Sui Attempts; alcoholism
What a question!
I am almost 40 and honestly-I have been wanting to share this for awhile. So, thank you for the opportunity,
I was born to a woman in 1986. I never met my biological father-but my biological mother, Sherrie, got with a different man when I was about six month old. His name is Scott.
I had lived with the two of them in Michigan since I was six months old. When I was about two-my little brother, Andrew arrived. And a few years after that=my brother Scott.
Later-more brothers would be added. I think at this point-Sherrie had, like, nine kids? Which I am generally all about..if you can handle it.
An important thing to know at this point is that Sherrie and Scott are both Caucasian. As is the rest of the family.
I am mixed-and my skin is a pretty caramel color.
We were poverty level. We moved a lot. Sherrie was a homemaker. Scott worked in the automotive industry.
When my first brother was born-that is when the problems began. Sherrie says I was jealous and acted out. And this may be-but all I know is that it became very much a Cinderella story.
My brothers were often favored by both my parents. I don’t blame them for it. It isn’t their fault. But it surely escalated for years.
I was often punished by having everything taken away for months at a time. My room bare. I solved this as a youth by lying and saying I had a book report. I would choose the biggest book in the library and bring it home to have something to do.
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott is still a favorite of mine.
Over the years I endured physical and emotional abuse. Neglect. I’ll spare you details,
The worst was when Sherrie would call me the N word. Hard R. “It means an ignorant person.”
She didn’t have a reason to why I was the only one being called this.
So, reading saved me. In more ways than one. I read “A Child Called It” by Dave Peltzer and a light bulb lit.
I did not deserve this. This was not normal.
I started running away from home. In the daylight. To my school’s playground.
The first time I was put in our local youth detention center.
The second time the home was investigated, And I was removed.
My brothers stayed in the home as they were not being abused (to anyone’s knowledge.)
I was placed in a foster home about a half hour or so away, It wasn’t too bad.
I didn’t like the foster dad-but it turns out he was arrested for SA some of my sisters and put into prison years later.
So that checks out.
9.11 my biological mother refused to show up for court and therefore signed her rights to me away.
And a year or so later I was adopted by the youth pastors I had met (my now brother invited me to his church) through band camp.
I graduated middle of my class. Survived a psych stay because of an attempt on own life. Evicted from my first apartment.
I got through, Got married. Had my son.
…..I should probably go to school….the research says kids have a better chance in life if one parent is college educated.
So I enrolled at the local community college. Studied business. And then took, by chance, a teaching class.
It had never occurred to me that I had the aptitude to be a teacher. But I continued-took the test needed to get into the program.
And got into a local four year college. With scholarships!
It was hard. Like, super hard.
I was getting a divorce at this point.
Working full time, going to in person classes full time, involved in the sorority I joined, and (most important) making sure my son got to and from school and making sure he had an amazing experience as well. I was a classroom parent, joined PTO, and helped as much as a could.
During this time-I also discovered my queerness! I went out to local Drag shows with a sorority sister I had fallen in love with. Truly an amazing time.
My senior year-I would student teach Monday-Friday and then work doubles Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays (home health care.)
I got a 4.0 my senior year, passed all three of my teacher certifications in one day (I didn’t know you should only do one at a time haha), and ended up graduating college at a 3.0!
I was 30 years old when I got my bachelors. I started school in 2011. Graduated in 2016.
I wish I could tell you that that was the moment that everything got easy. But I am really good at attracting horrible people.
Multiple poor dating choices. Multiple instances of SA. Multiple psych stays because I absolutely did not want to be alive and was only trying to stay alive for my son. Six months of living in a homeless shelter.
A realization that I am an alcoholic (going on 8 years sober now-it turns out that only binge drinking to blacking out when your son isn’t home still qualifies you to be an alcoholic. Weird,,,)
A diagnosis for Bipolar 2; Depression; Anxiety; and ADHD. Medication and therapy,
And we are rocking and rolling.
Through that time-I had my son keep inspiring me (he is 16 now and still does.)
I found drag and then burlesque. I am still shocked that I am a performer!
I found my love for education-and had lots of cool teaching opportunities as a result.
I advocate for those who need it most-I used to be more about organized speeches and protests (still important)-but I have been quieter about my work now. More behind the scenes.
And now?
I am working as a youth worker in a group home for foster youth, And I plan to start working towards my masters in social work next fall so I can become a therapist. I work midnights because it seems to work best for my mental health right now.
It also allows me to be there for my son during the day. And give back to my community, too!
One of the ways I do that is by being on the advisory board for my sorority chapter. I love it!
So…..that is what happened. So far. I have a lot to learn and experience, still. But I am super proud of myself and how far I have accomplished so far.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
Oof. Absolutely not.
As I mentioned-my life has been super hard.
And I am not happy I had the experiences.
That said-those experiences do make it “easier” to empathize with others.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
I am a Burlesque Artist, Drag Queen, and Host!
And I love it!
I perform mostly in Michigan-but also travel here and there.
I discovered Drag in college. As an AFAB human-I yearned to be a Drag Queen.
And with support-I made it happen.
My drag has always been heavily influenced by burlesque so getting into the burly world was a natural occurrence.
My focus these days is in Burlesque-but I absolutely love both as a creative outlet.
Before we let you go, we’ve got to ask if you have any advice for those who are just starting out?
My advice is to be kind to everyone. Be respectful. Take opportunities-no matter how “small!”
Learn as much as you can-ask questions!
And don’t be afraid to be different! Do what feels right for you!
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/xoxodottiemonroe
