Conversations with Heather Gray

Today we’d like to introduce you to Heather Gray

Heather, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
I started going gray in Junior High at the age of 13. My friends and I were standing by our lockers in between classes when a friend shrieked and started shouting that I had a gray hair. It was promptly pulled out and from then on it was just kind of known that Heather had gray hair. I swore them to secrecy, but I’m sure other students knew. The grays came in slowly at first but then came in more quickly once I started high school. I started getting highlights in 10th grade to help hide the grays. I was already a shy, unsure child but the grays made me even more so. I was ashamed of my gray hair and in a constant state of stress about someone seeing one. By age 19, if I went too long in between going to the hair salon, I had gray roots showing through. Life events had to be planned around trips to the salon to make sure I had no roots showing for weddings, girls nights, and date nights with my boyfriend. I started dating my now husband at 20 and three months in I felt I needed to tell him about my hair. Hiding it and keeping the secret was driving me crazy. When I told him, he said he already knew. He’d seen them but thought nothing of it. He actually encouraged me to let the gray grow out. We got married when I was 23 and I continued to dye my hair and struggle with self confidence until Covid hit. Salons were closed and I was stuck at home anyway. I’d created an instagram account and started seeing women my age embracing their gray hair. I dyed my hair for the last time in July of 2020 and realized in August of 2020 that I wanted to see what was under the dye. I promised myself a year of no dye. And here we are on year four, and I’m completely in love with my hair and where its taken me.

I’m sure it wasn’t obstacle-free, but would you say the journey has been fairly smooth so far?
Since embracing my gray four years ago I’ve definitely encountered my share of struggles. Initially my friends and family were confused; I was so young at 34 to consider growing out my natural hair. I needed to keep dyeing it. My older children (8 and 9 at the time) worried people would make fun of me for being different and didn’t want my feelings to be hurt. I started my grow out in August of 2020 during the lockdown, and by October of 2020 some restrictions were starting to be lifted. One evening I headed out for a girls night with a facemask and very obvious gray roots. It was hard because I knew people were wondering what I was doing. But pushing through the fear and anxiety honestly made me feel more confident. I slowly started to stop caring what others thought of my appearance. I would get stares and see whispers but they fueled my desire to keep going. For once, I liked not blending in.

During my grown out, people have felt like they can have conversations about gray hair in front of me where they say things like, “I’m so thankful I don’t have gray yet.” or “You can pull it off but most people can’t.” Just little digs to make sure I knew how they truly felt about gray hair.

I still face criticism today, but it is so rare. If it does happen, it’s online. I get called “Grandma” and told I look older than I would if I dyed my hair. But again, it doesn’t happen very often.

Appreciate you sharing that. What else should we know about what you do?
I’m a homemaker first and foremost, but I’ve also built a community on instagram where I create content centered around gray hair, body confidence and self love. I encourage people to see gray hair as beautiful by exposing them to the reality of my grow out process. I’ve been sharing my grow out since the day I decided to ditch the dye, so anyone can scroll through and see my journey whenever they need to. Posting on instagram about my gray hair led me to the realization that if I can fall in love with my gray hair; something most of society deems ugly, aging and as having given up, then I can learn to love my whole self, too. On my instagram I’m known for being silly, confident, encouraging and real. I share the highs and lows and connect with my followers. All of this has led to companies reaching out and I’m now an ambassador for a few companies and share hair care products and clothing to encourage women to embrace their bodies. I’d say I’m most known for my gray hair, but also just being a person who spreads love to others and wants everyone to experience the self love I’ve found. I’m proud that I took the leap to embrace my gray hair and was brave enough to share the journey online to strangers. I pushed through the fear and embarrassment because being an example for other women’s journeys was more important to me. If I can do it, anyone can.

What sets me apart is I’m a 38 year old woman with a full head of gray hair who loves who she is. I confuse people but inspire them at the same time. I love that people wonder about me and I hope they see me and think, “If she can embrace something like her gray hair, than I can embrace that thing about me that I struggle with too.”

Have you learned any interesting or important lessons due to the Covid-19 Crisis?
I’ve learned the value of a happy home and the beauty of just being together for family meals, board games and couch snuggles when leaving the house isn’t an option. Although the crisis was horrific, I don’t know if I would have ever embraced my gray hair had I not been stuck at home. My gray hair has made me a better wife, mother and human being and shown me the unimportance of impressing others with my appearance; I grew out my gray hair and so much self confidence followed.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrs.heathergray